Women and children who survive domestic violence have talked about the various ways they have developed to cope until they could find safety. The coping strategies they worked out enabled them to survive. Some of the coping strategies are:

Denial

The survivor tells herself, in effect, that the abuse is not really happening or may deny the impact the abuse has had on her. A survivor in denial will say, "This bruise? Oh, it's nothing" or "He doesn't really hurt me." Denial helps the survivor avoid feelings of terror and humiliation.

Minimization

This is a form of denial. The survivor minimizes when she says, "This isn't really abuse. Abuse is more serious" or "Well, he only hit me once with his fist."

Nightmares

These help the survivor experience some strong feelings such as fear, anger, panic, and shame which she cannot safely share with anyone at the time.

Shock and Dissociation

These two reactions can numb the survivor's mind and body while the assault takes place and for a time afterward. The reactions help her avoid dealing with immediate feelings until she has found safety.

Unhealthy Coping Skills

Other ways to numb the pain are over-eating, under-eating, drinking and drugging.  These help numb the pain in the short-term, but will eventually create more problems and can impact the survivor’s ability to perceive and/or respond to the danger she is in.  The Illinois Valley Safe House Alliance has a recovery support group for women who want to transform their lives.

Where To Turn For Support

Even after the survivor finds safety and supportive people, she may continue to use these coping strategies until she realizes they are no longer necessary or helpful. At that point, the survivor may be interested in receiving counseling or other supportive services.

The Illinois Valley Safe House Alliance offers support groups for women who are or have been abused. Support group may be a good first step to begin the healing process. Also, private counselors and counseling agencies can be helpful in dealing with the trauma of violence.

Other types of advocacy, referral, information, and support will be helpful for survivors with financial, medical, social service, or legal needs.

The Illinois Valley Safe House Alliance believes survivors must make their own decisions about whether to use counseling, support groups, and other services available.