The Alliance advocates, Pamela and Ashley were on hand to greet children and help them “fill their buckets” with good things. It was windy, and crowds were small, but everyone had a great time!
The Alliance advocates, Pamela and Ashley were on hand to greet children and help them “fill their buckets” with good things. It was windy, and crowds were small, but everyone had a great time!
Our garden is lonely. When we were housed in the bank building and the garden was just a few steps out the back door, we were able to attend to the garden’s needs on a regular basis. It was easy for us to walk out in the morning before work, during our lunch hour or after work to play in the garden. We could use our break time to run out and pull a weed or water a dry spot. It was wonderful to run out back and pick a tomato or some fresh herbs to go with whatever the potluck was that week. We could keep an eye on the garden and when it needed tended to it was much more convenient to do the chores when we were right there.
Things have changed; we are in a different building, and don’t have the option of stepping out the back door to maintain the garden.
Even though the garden has not received the attention that it needs, I was there earlier this week and am thrilled at what I saw. The ground is so fertile that the weeds between the beds are knee high. The weeds in the beds are also knee high, which shows how good the soil is. After all the rain it is soft too; I was able to pull the weeds easily. There are many things in the garden that are wonders besides the prolific weeds. Mustard seeds must have blown into a bed because there is a lovely Mustard plant growing next to lots of different colored Johnny-Jump-Ups in one bed. There is a little lettuce plant growing in another bed. The herbs that were planted the first year are coming up beautifully in several beds and the strawberry patch is full of blossoms which means lots of strawberries to come.
Mother Nature is a wonderful thing. With no help from us, the fruit trees that were planted two years ago have fruit. There are peaches and pears and apples showing their cute little buds. The peaches already are fuzzy!
I love that the garden continues to produce with no help from us, but we do need to help it along a bit. With the Alliance staff working full time, we don’t have time to devote as much care into the garden as we would like, so we are looking for someone who has the time and the energy to spend as a garden coordinator. We need someone who knows about gardening and is willing to recruit and work with volunteers to do the heavy lifting so to speak. Someone who can weed eat, till, and pull weeds. We would love to have someone who cares about the garden to take over the maintenance with the help of volunteers.
The community garden can be a treasure for the Illinois Valley. It could feed the homeless fresh vegetables. It can teach young people how to grow things, and it can be a source of pleasure for those who don’t have room for a garden at their own homes. I believe that a great part of the healing process is to feel that you are good at something, and to know that you can accomplish something as small as growing a radish. That radish seed holds the promise of a better life. If we can turn a tiny seed into something that will nourish our bodies, then there is no end to what we can do. One small accomplishment turns into many small accomplishments which in turn gives us the ability to stand up and say “I am strong”.
So, if you or someone you know would like the opportunity to take on the garden to bring it back up to it’s potential, please contact the Illinois Valley Safe House Allaince. You can call us at 541.592.2515 or 541.592.5332 and ask for Marcy or Chris.
In the Alliance office, we are frequently thinking about ways to become healthier, physically and mentally. We try to eat healthy; our Friday potlucks generally consist of lentils, vegetables, gluten free pasta, mostly sugar free food, you know- healthy stuff. Also on our Potluck Fridays, we have a staff meeting where we begin by talking about what we are grateful for – a way to keep our outlook positive, then end with a bit of self care so none of get overwhelmed from the difficult work we do to end Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault. We are aware of our physical and emotional health and we try to take care of ourselves.
I recently attended a Community Health Fair with one of our community partner organizations, “Healthy U” in which the focus is “how do we get our community to embrace good health”. When the topic of how to get more people interested in getting healthy and accessing services, it dawned on me that people are mostly trying to meet their basic needs and don’t have time to even think about getting healthy. I then began to wonder about how a woman living in a violent situation thinks about her health, or if she thinks about it. When a woman is living in an abusive situation, and is afraid for her personal security, her first and most important need is that of her own safety and the safety of her children.
For those of us who took psychology classes, we know that in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, safety is the most important aspect of the human condition after physical needs; breathing, food and water. A woman living with a violent partner may have her basic needs for survival met; she is able to breathe, has food (unless it is withheld as punishment) and has access to water. The next level of the needs hierarchy is basic safety and security. When a person’s basic need for safety and security is not met, it is not possible to move into fulfilling the next steps; social needs, esteem needs and personal growth (self actualization needs). When we spend our time struggling and worrying about how to stay safe, we don’t have the time or the energy to think about much of anything else. Our physical health and our emotional/mental health are often the last things on our minds.
The U.S Department of Justice reported that 37% of all women who sought care in hospital emergency rooms for violence-related injuries were injured by a current of former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend. Thirty seven percent! That number always astounds me. Studies of the Surgeon General’s office reveal that domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44, more common than automobile accidents, muggings, and cancer deaths combined. Other research has found that half of all women will experience some form of violence from their partners during marriage, and that more than one third are battered repeatedly every year. The Center for Disease Control studies conclude that the costs of intimate partner violence against women exceed an estimated billion in direct costs of medical and mental health care and nearly 1.8 billion in the indirect costs of lost productivity.
All of these statistics show that if we want our community to be healthy, part of the process is to ensure the safety of those residing here. If we can find a way to keep everyone safe, men, women, and children, then we can begin to find a way to good health.
On March 31, 2014, the Alliance will be offering a three hour training for volunteers, community partners and anyone interested in improving their response to victims of abuse. The topics to be covered will be:
The training will begin at 9:00am and end at 12:00pm and refreshments will be served. All attendees will receive a certificate of completion.
This training includes part of the basic components for the required Department of Human Services employees’ training.
While working on the computer, doing research for an article, I have also been reading some of the Face Book sites, where people can talk about the crime that has been happening in our area. I see a lot of people complaining, wanting to run people out of town, put them in jail, or worse, they would like to see something bad happen to them. Some of the posters would like to be the ones doing the bad things to people. It shocks me that people would intentionally place “booby traps” to intentionally hurt or kill someone over a little stolen gas. I wonder where priorities lie. As I read these comments, I wonder that not one of them has ever had hard times? No one has ever had a family member, who due to circumstances beyond their control, has been in a bad situation. When I read about someone stealing gas, or stealing cars or breaking into someone’s garage and taking tools, I wonder where that person learned to do those things. What has happened in that person’s life that they did not learn to respect other people’s property? What lesson did they learn as a child that they decided that the drug life is the only life they could have? What happened to that child, that coping with drugs and alcohol was the only thing that they could find for comfort, or the only way they could cope?
Many of us have not known what it’s like to have brothers and uncles and neighbors and grandfathers molesting us, what it’s like to be belittled and beat every day when we are six, seven years old. Many of us don’t know how it feels to not have anyone say they love you; not have anyone hold you when you cry; not have anyone there for you when you are terrified, or when you are bullied, or when you need someone to talk to. Some of us don’t know what it feels like to think you are the only one who hates yourself and wants to be dead, thinking that is the only way out. Many of us don’t know what it feels like to go to someone we look up to after being sexually assaulted, thinking they will help, only to be told it’s our fault; go away and never talk about it again, even if we’re only five years old. Many of us don’t know what it feels like to be raised in a home where the only thing we learn is violence, and the only way we cope is alcohol and drugs, or by hanging around anyone who accepts us, or hurting ourselves.
Thank goodness that many of us don’t know these things. Thank goodness that there are some who know what it feels like to have your existence validated, have someone there to tell you that you are special just because you are a person. Thank goodness. What we know is that there are as many who don’t know what that is like than there are that do know what that is like.
What does this say about humanity? Does it say that because I have been fortunate in my life I will not accept anyone who is less fortunate? Or does it tell us to open our hearts and our minds and begin to find an answer, begin to find a solution, and begin to understand?
What happens to a child when they experience these violations of trust is that their brain changes. It changes the way they process information. Actions and feeling become disconnected, so, as an adult, they cannot connect their actions to the consequences and feelings of other people. A child is more damaged by witnessing domestic violence than they are by experiencing physical abuse. When a child as young as a newborn is living in a house where there is domestic violence; even yelling and screaming and tension all the time, they have a greater chance of growing up not able to have compassion for other people or for themselves.
Most of the men in the prison system grew up in a home where there is domestic violence. Most of the women in the prison system are there because their crimes are related to domestic violence. 79% of children who are sentenced to life in prison without parole were raised in a violent environment. 77% of girls in prison without parole were victims of sexual abuse. Violence is a learned behavior, and when it is demonstrated by adults in a home environment as how to resolve problems, children internalize this and, without intervention, are more likely to repeat it.
The feeling of safety in our communities also determines whether someone will grow up and become a criminal themselves. If a child is living with domestic violence and, in addition to feeling unsafe at home, the community also feels like it is not a safe place to be, such as the feeling that is in our community from the recent deaths of the young men here, the chances that they will grow up to become criminals themselves increases dramatically. Five out of eight children in prison viewed their neighborhoods as an unsafe place to be as well as their homes. More than two thirds of those witnessed drug sales in their community.
So, we have a challenge in our community. We see the violence, we see the drug use, and we complain about it and wish the police would do something about it, or we decide to become vigilantes and do something ourselves. More violence added to the violence already here. Maybe that is not the answer. Maybe the answer is giving those who are experiencing violence someplace where they can talk about it and be told that it is not their fault. Maybe the answer is to create a place of safety in our community instead of a vigilante force. Maybe if we can’t stop what is happening in our community right now, we can prevent it from happening to the next generation. Our children don’t have to carry violence to the next generation if they have enough support in their lives that they don’t internalize the violence and the drugs. If there are enough people to stand up and say “I care about you and I won’t let you fall through the cracks,” we may be able to raise a community of children who grow up and become caring, responsible citizens.
So this is the challenge; lets change the way we look at those who are committing the crimes.
I read a long time ago about a village that treated its criminals a way that worked. They caught the criminal and brought him to the center of town. Then the entire town came and surrounded him. He thought he was done for. But then an amazing thing happened. Everyone in the town came up to him and told him how much they loved him and that they wanted him to do the right thing. They told him they would help him in any way they could. They told him he was a valuable member of their community. The criminal was so touched at the love that he wanted to change. He felt supported. He felt that someone cared. That is our challenge. Who is up for it?
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